Once upon a time
by Madam Mimm
Summary: Ben had requested a bed time story. Cas was busy. Unfortunately, Dean wasn't. New chapter 2, featuring the tale of "little beige trench-coat Cas". Super crack, super fluff, super silly.
1. Chapter 1

"Alright, settle down... no, I said settle down... dammit, settle down or no story... that's better. Ok, story. Uh... Oh, I know, I can tell you the story of how your Uncle Sam and your Uncle Gabriel met for the first time."

"Dude, are you talking about me?" A familiar bitchface protrudes from the bedroom doorway.

"Uh... no..."

"Dad's going to tell me how you and Gabriel met!"

"Dammit, Ben, what have I told you about playing it cool? Sam, seriously..."

"Oh no, I'm staying. I want to make sure you don't tell it wrong."

"Oh my god. Ok, fine. Just... go sit over there and shut up. Ok. So... right. Once upon a time, there was a Daddy Bear, a Big Brother Bear, and a Baby Bear."

"Hey."

"I should probably mention that Baby Bear was actually, like, twenty five at this point and really could have moved out, if he wanted to."

"What? No I couldn't! You kept telling me I had to stay so..."

"Shhh, I'm telling the story. Now, one day, the Three Winchester Bears went out with rock salt and shotguns ready to kick some demo...squirrel, butt, and headed off into the forest. But Baby Bear was stupid and didn't lock the door properly."

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself, you're lucky we haven't got anything worth stealing. Now, on the other side of the forest was another pair of brothers, who came from a much bigger family. The father of that family had disappeared, and the family voted for two of their siblings to go find him. So, your Uncle Gabriel and your other Dad were thrown out into the forest with just a few meagre provisions. Now your other Dad has never really been much for excitement and adventure, so he decided to plan how they would get home. He turned to your Uncle Gabriel and said "If we break up this bread into chunks, we can leave a trail on the ground that will guide us home."

Your Uncle Gabriel said "Sure, that's a great idea. Oh, hang on; I've got a better one." Then, he punched your Dad in the face and tied him to a tree, stole the bag with all the food in and wandered off on his own, eating the bread as he went."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, "why"? No one knows. Why does Gabriel do anything? Whatever. Anyway, so Gabriel wandered through the forest until he found the house of the three Winchester Bears which, if you'll remember, had the door wide open because Baby Bear was a tool."

"Hey! You can't say that!"

"He's my son; I'll tell him what I like, now shut up. Gabriel wandered into the house and looked around. He saw the three bowls of porridge that had been left on the table, and decided to try them.

Trying the Daddy Bear's bowl, he said "this is too hot". He tried the Big Brother Bear's bowl, and said "this is too cold". Then, he tried the Baby Bear's bowl and said "this stuff is nasty" and threw it out. Then, he turned all the cupboards out, looking for some Captain Crunch. It was only after he didn't find any that he remembered he could just create some for himself, which he did. Of course, he then spilled it all over the carpet, so the whole exercise was kind of pointless. Anyway, he walked through the house and saw two things. One, he saw the Baby Bear's music and DVDs and realised that they all sucked..."

"Dude!"

"Shut up, it's my story."

"How is it your story? It's about me!"

"I'm telling it. You can tell the one about how me and Cas met."

"I don't want to tell that story. Especially not to your five year old son."

"What? It's a fine story to tell a kid... it's cute."

"Yeah, while you're walking through the forest to grandma's house, but it gets a whole other kind of weird once you find the angel tied up to the tree and covered in breadcrumbs."

"Ok, fine. Jeez, you're such a... uh... anyway. Ben. Where was I?"

"Gabriel noticed that all of Sam's music sucked." 

"Good boy. So. The other thing he noticed was that there were three comfy looking chairs in the living room. First he tried the Daddy Bear's chair, but it was too hard. Then, he tried the Big Brother Bear's chair, but it didn't have the right lumbar support. Then, he decided he was bored and threw a house party. Baby Bear's chair got broke in the process. After a while, Gabriel got tired, called the party to a close, and went upstairs to find somewhere to sleep. Normally, he'd never let himself get caught like that, but by this point he was really drunk. I mean, all he'd had to eat that day was bread and some porridge, so he was wasted."

"What's drunk?"

"It's... uh..."

"You remember last Christmas when your Dad and Grampa Bobby played a game to see who could drink more bottles of the special grown-up drink we had?"

"Yeah."  
>"That's drunk."<p>

"Oh."

"Thanks for that, Sam. Well anyway, Gabriel went upstairs to find a bed. First, he tried the Daddy Bear's bed, but it was too big. All of them were too big, in fact, because Gabriel's a short-ass."  
>"Cheap shot."<p>

"Are you going to tell him about it?"

"... no."

"So be quiet. It was at this moment in time that the Three Winchester Bears came home, and were shocked to find their house in such a mess. "Someone ate my porridge" Said Daddy Bear. "Someone ate my porridge, too" said Big Brother Bear. "Someone threw out my porridge and spilled Captain Crunch all over the floor" said Baby bear, but no one was listening to him, partly because they didn't really care about the porridge, since it was gross and it was Baby Bear's stupid idea in the first place."

"Oh, great. Sue me for giving a damn about your cholesterol."

"Anyway... The other reason they didn't care about the porridge was because they were busy freaking out about the state of the living room.

"So they covered the house with protection charms and demon traps, but couldn't find any clues as to what had been in their house. They decided to take it in turns to stay up and watch out for any monsters or Demons, and Daddy bear went to sleep first. When he came back four hours later, he said it felt like someone had been sleeping in his bed. Then it was Big Brother Bear's turn, and when he came back, he said it felt like someone had been sleeping in his bed too, and it smelled like someone had thrown up in the bathroom. Then, when Baby Bear went to bed, he saw Gabriel asleep in his bed and yelled out, making us run up to him, and waking Gabriel up. Gabriel, out of shock, teleported away, but because he was still a little drunk, he teleported the whole bed with him, including the sheets which Baby Bear was standing on. So Baby Bear and Gabriel were lost, in the middle of the woods, in the dead of night, while it was pouring rain. Baby Bear used the interrogation techniques Daddy Bear had taught him, and soon Gabriel explained what had happened. Then, they argued for two straight days until they found their way home. By the time they got home, however, Sam had turned into a massive girl and fallen in love, so we couldn't just send him back where he came from."

"Hey! Right, you know what, that's it."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to tell Cas and Gabriel the sort of stuff you've been teaching Ben."

"Ooh, I'm scared."  
>"You should be, I don't know how much of it I'm going to make up."<p>

"What? Wait, come back here! Oh, that son of a... uh... good night, Ben. Sleep tight. Dad's gotta go kill Baby Bear."


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel snatches the box of Mike'n'Ikes away from clutching fingers, before snatching up the rest of Ben and sitting down with his nephew on his lap.

"Don't tell your Uncle Sam I'm doing this, he's closed-minded and thinks too much candy will spoil you."

"Like candy could spoil anything."

"'Atta boy, young Benjamin. Here, some for you, some for me…"

"Uncle Gabe?"

"Yes, young Benjamin?"

"The other night, when I wanted a bedtime story, Dad told me the story of how you and Uncle Sam met."

"Did he now?"

"Yeah. But I want to know how Dad met Daddy."

"Dean and Castiel… Ah, now that's a story. Settle in, and…"

"Gabriel." The voice is gruff and gravelly, and overpowered by a flapping of trench-coat and wings.

"Daddy!"

"You shouldn't just land behind people like that, it's rude."

"My apologies… I merely came to thank you again for watching Ben this evening. Also, he left his toothbrush…"

"Daddy…"

"And you had to come check I hadn't lost him in a poker game yet, I know. You know, your lack of confidence is shocking…"

"Daddy, Gabriel was going to tell me how you met Dad."

Ben and Gabriel both get a glare for that.

"Oh, what? I was going to make it all kid friendly, honest."

"I would like to hear this story. And correct any… inaccuracies."

"Jeez, fine. I swear, you're as bad as Sam… Ok, so, once upon a time, there were two brothers, who lived with a huge family… the royal family. These two brothers were princes. And their father, the king, had gone missing…"

"I know this bit, Dad told me."

"Did he?"

"Mm-hm. He said that the two brothers were sent out to find their father, but Castiel was careful and wanted to find his way home, but then you knocked him out, stole his bread and tied him to a tree."

"That's not true! That's… that's slander!"

"It was not bread. It was really more of a cake."

"Yeah, ok, who's telling this story? So… alright, so through whatever strange and unavoidable twists of fate, Castiel, the youngest of the brothers, found himself lost and alone in the woods, with only a little food. That was when the Winchester Wood-cutter appeared, on his way to… chop wood. Or, listen to rock music. Or wear plaid. I don't know, whatever it is he actually does all day."

"More often than not, Gabriel, he is recovering from your misguided prank…"

"I am the story teller, Castiel, which means that you're quiet. Anyway. So Little Beige Trench-Coat Cas gets let down from the tree I totally didn't tie him to, And the Winchester Wood-Cutter, uh…"

"Gabriel…"

"Kisses him… And some other stuff."

"Gabriel!"

"But mostly kissing. Like in Disney movies. So, kissing over, the Winchester Woodcutter says he knows a house in the middle of the woods where they might be able to find some information on the father Castiel was looking for. So they start off into the woods together. But it was dark, and cold, and Castiel was scared, confused and angry. Not to mention, the Winchester Woodcutter was confused himself, because he thought he was in love with Castiel, and he'd never been in love with anyone like that before."

"You mean he'd never wanted to marry someone?"

"No, I mean he'd never done it with a…"

"Yes, Ben, that's exactly what he means."

"Spoilsport. You know, he'll find out, sooner or later. Anyway, where was I? Right, so when Castiel said he thought they might be lost, the Winchester Woodcutter was scared and defensive, and he told Castiel he never got lost. They were both so tired, and so lost, and so frustrated, that they had a huge argument there in the middle of the woods, and both stormed off to stop talking to each other. Little Beige Trench-Coat Cas wandered on through the woods, into the deeper, darker paths, when he found the Big British Wolf. The Big British wolf was evil, and nasty, and liked to rip angels like Beige Trench-Coat Cas to shreds.

'Hello,' he said, 'what are you doing out here in the woods?'

'I'm going to the house in the thicket', Beige Trench-coat Cas replied, 'to find out where my father has gone.'

'That's a waste of time,' the Big British Wolf said, smiling viciously. 'Why don't you stay here with me, and we can play some games.'

But Beige Trench-Coat Cas refused, and the Big British Wolf said 'Oh well. If you must go, let me show you a shortcut.'"

"Gabriel who is this supposed to be?"

"Crowley. You couldn't tell?"

"Your impersonation requires a little work."

"Screw you, Sam thinks I'm hilarious."

"Where is Sam, by the way?"

"He's… a little tied up. Back to the story! Beige Trench-Coat Cas took the Wolf's shortcut, not knowing that it was actually the longer way around to the house. The wolf took the real shortcut, hoping to lie in wait at the house. When he got there, he changed his appearance so he looked like a wise old man. And Little Beige Trench-Coat Cas…"

"The more I hear this moniker, the less inclined I am to like it."

"I am older than you, I out-rank you, and I'm the one telling the story, so you will put up and shut up. You know what we say to people who interrupt, Ben?"

"You are being rude."

"And..?"

"And… I should smite your ass."

"Good boy."

"Dean will not appreciate that."

"Dean might enjoy another trip through the time loop if he's not careful… So. Big British Wolf, dresses up as wise old man, Castiel says 'oh, old wise man, do you know where my father is?' The wolf said 'of course. I can smell him.'

'That's not possible,' says Beige Trench-Coat Cas, 'all I can smell is sulphur.'

'I mean,' said the wolf, 'that I can see him.'

'How can you see anything,' says Beige Trench-Coat Cas, 'out of those big black eyes?'

It is important to note here, young Benjamin, that Little Beige Trench-Coat Cas was not the sharpest knife in the block. The wolf turned on him, and said, 'I can find your father, if you give me something for a spell.'

'Anything,' said Castiel, 'what do you want?'

'Your heart!' Said the Big British Wolf, and he attacked. But, just as he was about to tear Castiel to shreds, the Winchester Woodcutter burst through the door and emptied two rounds of rock salt into the wolf's fat, sorry, flea-bitten butt. And the Winchester Woodcutter said he'd gotten over his big gay freak-out, and that he never wanted to see Castiel in danger again. So they promised to live together and look after each other forever. Happy?"

"Very. It was quite a touching interpretation. But I feel that it is time for Ben to go to bed."

"Ok. Night, Daddy."

"Good night."

"Night, Uncle Gabe."

"Night, kiddo."

"But… Uncle Gabe?"

"Yeah?"

"What's 'gay' mean?"

"It's… uh…"

"Well, you seem to have everything under control here. I really should get back to Dean. Goodnight Gabriel."

"No don't you disappear on… Dad damn it… Ben, stay here… eat some more candy… I'll go untie Sam and… he can answer the awkward life questions."


End file.
